Hey Canada, Stop Being So Passive-Aggressive

I was looking at urbandictionary.com to look up "Canada's History" since Stephen Colbert instructed his viewers to go there to make entries to reframe "Canada's History" as an unspeakable an vile sex act. Unless you have an overriding interest in reading about sex acts that involve moose, maple syrup and the Stanley Cup, you can skip that entry.

But I did look up "Canada" and this is the very first entry:

Here are some reasons to be proud to be Canadian:

1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
4. Baseball is Canadian
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed
the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure..
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to
Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American
mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
23. A Canadian invented Superman.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!

Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.

Hey, stick that in your pipe and toke it.

Since that is the first definition (and you can vote up or down on definitions since it is an open-source site), the above definition is the one that Canadians themselves have decided best defines them. And it does. The total lack of evidence for claims (really? Apple pie? You're gonna try to take apple pie?) and the passive comparison to some false construct of Americans (we don't marry our kinfolk, our elections take one day) Along with historically accurate claims (we burned your White House) that seem to be gleefully mean.

So, as voted by Canadians themselves, I give you the Canadian psyche.

God, Im glad Im not married to that anymore.