Oooh, Nothing Better Than Opium, Is There?

Oh God, this makes me laugh.

(Full disclosure: I have never tried or will try opium or its derivatives. But I still think its awesome.)

More Proof of Baby Workers

I suppose a case could be made that the segway is pushing the stroller. But I think she has the segway turned off and is making the baby do all the work. When will baby servants be freed of this indignation?

On the flip side, this makes me this about what I would do with my baby when I have one. I would definitely put dusters on it so it could dust the floor. I'd want it to start swimming as soon as possible. Maybe I could attach an inner tube to it and float along behind it like a coxswain and shout "stroke! stroke! stroke!"

But all that would be done with love. And really, there ain't much love in the pictures I've found. Of course, the regular searches I do could be called eccentric. Possibly esoteric. Possibly strange and verging on obsessive. But I need to find pictures of baby butlers and octopus. It's just how I am.

String of Birds

At a lovely dinner with beautiful people, I was introduced to the band String of Birds. They mix together a kind of folksy light poppiness with woman-done-wrong lyrics. There is some pining, sure, but it doesn't tip over into self-pity. Their voices fit together beautifully and as I write this I can't think of the last time I've heard a girl group that sounds anything like this. Check it out. It makes me wish I was in this band when I was in college.

"if you try to wake me in the night

by throwing stones, I'll throw them back.

At you."

More Octo Art

Look into the eyes of the man, and then the eyes of the octo. That octo has the man just where he wants him. He's not freaked out at all, even though they are clearly on land. I betcha that octo even has a tentacle ready to grab that knife, karate-chop the guy in the gut and go back to the sea.

Me? Team Octopus, all the way. ALL THE WAY.

The Secret History of American Baby Butlers

A quick "then and now," but I think you get a picture (not "the" picture, but "a" picture). Baby butlers have existed in America for hundreds of years and are still here. Secret army herds of baby butlers are here without the knowledge of your average American. Should they unionize?

Ah, Twilight

I love a good caption. Also, I love the films.

When Miscarriages Are Criminalized . . .

only outlaws will have miscarriages.

So it looks like Iowa is considering criminalizing miscarriages since they are a termination of pregnancy.

Consider the plight of Christine Taylor, a women who fell down the stairs while pregnant with her third baby. The medics that were called to the scene cleared her, but she went to the hospital anyway because she was concerned and wanted to make sure her baby was okay. When she confided to the nurse that she had been uncertain of having three children on her own since her husband was estranged, the nurse called the police. And Christine was arrested.

So right-wingers have an agenda not only for homosexuals, but for breeders too. Have your baby or else! If you admit uncertainty it is jail for you!

It's seriously getting fascist 'round this country.

Just a Touch of Bill Murray

Because I have an unexplained and overwhelming crush on Bill Murray. Also Bill Nighy. Basically, if you are older and funny and named Bill, I might have a crush on you. Check yo'self.

Icelandic Volcano?!

So let me get this straight: European flights are all out of whack because of this volcano eruption. Bright side though: pretty sunsets.

ICELAND? Srsly?

This Makes Me Laugh

Ironic signs for Palin's Tea Party Gathering in Boston, home of the real tea party which had less to do with taxes and more to do with "No Taxation Without Representation!" (Ah, how quickly we forget history. Or twist history to our own devices. Also, Sarah Palin.) Sometimes hipsters can do funny stuff. Except moustaches and big black glasses. Those will never be funny. Again.

Happy Tax Day!!!

I hope everyone got their returns in. Or posted an extension. Because -- as you can see above -- skeletons and spiderwebs will haunt you until it is done.

Personally, I don't understand the teeth gnashing about taxes. You either pay a little or get a little. Or, like my dad, sue the IRS. (Which is why I always have my taxes done by a CPA way ahead of time. I'm sure I am on their watch list.) Incidentally, from my dad's experience I can say this: the IRS always wins. So don't go a-suing them.

I've Gone Cross-Eyed

Whenever I put on a beret, my eyes cross. It's a medical mystery.

I Can't Believe I Forgot

WE ARE THE 2010 NATIONAL CHAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: I love Jon Scheyer.

"We All Know That"

So this past Friday Christian was asked to speak on a Japanese horror film from the 1970's called "Hausu" (House). They were showing it at 11pm, so there was an odd amount of time between the end of the working day and the film. I ran into our friend Gage and he invited Christian and I to go to their place a little later.

So after finishing up a few things, we went over to Gage and Wendy's house. Except we arrived right between bath time and bed time -- they have three beautiful children. It was so sweet to see the kids in their jammies, telling me about their stuffed animals and assorted bed necessities. For some reason I thought it would be funny to tell them I still sleep with my blankie. So I started off "Hey, you guys know I was born a long time ago," meaning to finish it with "and I still sleep with my blankie." But one of the children cut me off after I just confessed to being really, really OLD and said "we all know that!"

So what can you do? Yep, they all know I am really old. And I still sleep with my blankie. But I still look sorta young. My secret? Kissing babies and stealing their essence.

Exhibit A:

Also, I have a painting of me that is locked in the attic. It ages, but I stay the same.

Oh, what about Hausu, you ask? It is an amazing film, not least because it is like watching thirty-second ads that comprise a larger whole. It's done in the advertising style: overly saturated colors, background music that is out of sync with what's happening, and dialogue that seems like simple one-liners. Also, there is a struggle between war-time and post-war gender roles. And its a horror film. Except it doesn't seem to know its a horror film because its too busy jiving out on its own vibe.

That's it in a nutshell.

What I'm Listening To Now

So the love of my life makes me these beautiful mixes every month -- and every mix is better than the last. It's sort of a way to bring different music in my ears, since I tend to stick with a couple of albums for a month or two.

First, I am in love with The Little Death. "Won't Ever Let You Down Again" is amazing. Her vocals will kick your ass up and down the street with some redemption at the end. Oh, it is good.

Another killer stop-you-dead-in-your-tracks is Donnie and Joe Emerson's "Baby." I know, the cover is cheesy and weird, but do yourself and listen to the song in a darkened room with someone you want to kiss and your world will get ROCKED.

I don't know why I am so late to My Morning Jacket. It seems like everyone has known about this band, talked about them, loved them, and then moved on. But for some reason the phenomenon totally passed me by, so I'm getting to know them for the first time. I really like "Come Closer" and "Phone Went West," but choose your own favorites.

That is all for now.

Despite My Best Intentions, I Am Not Good At Posting

It seems like things happen to me all the time that I mean to post. Remarkable moments, overhearing funny conversations, as well as pictures and thoughts. Then I come home -- because these things almost always happen when I am out an about -- and I forget to post. There is a pro in this: I have stuff to do. Con: my blog gets ignored.

I will try to be a better blogger.

Tea Parties Aren't Always Lovely.

I know, I know McClatchy is not really news, etc. But if something like this is making it into these news sources, it's hitting mainstream. And actually, I think it's good if this is hitting nerves. It's not right and sane people need to step up.

For shame, Tea Party people. For shame. I wish there was a better and more public way to shame you, but hopefully you've done it to yourselves. I do hope that anyone on the right considering a move to the Tea Party will see them for what they really are: racist homophobes.

The pace was furious and sometimes heated both inside and outside the Capitol where thousands of Tea party demonstrators gathered to protest the bill. Some demonstrators hurled racial and sexual insults at Democratic lawmakers.

Some demonstrators called Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., "n****r" as he left a nearby House office building and other used the word "f****t" as they confronted Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass. Lewis, a noted civil rights leader, is black and Frank is openly gay.

For me, I am apoplectic. I could go on (and will, in the future). But this is proof that what the Tea Party people and Fox News commentators mean when they say "This isn't the America I grew up in!" is code for "I can't stand a black man as president" and they'd prefer to go back to the forties or fifties when they can be openly racist, the homosexuals are closeted and white men are in control.

Also, I think the Right is becoming Facist.

That is all. For now.

This Is A Very Bad Idea

(courtesy of awkwardfamilyphotos.com)

I retain on my body, to this day, a large scar on my right forearm from some stunt snow tubing that my friends and I undertook. In fact, this picture was also taken on that day:

As you can see, also pantsless. When we undertook the final stunt of the day, we made a pyramid and I somehow wound up on the bottom of the pile. My arm slid under the tube and I could not pull it out. The ice and snow took most of the skin off and its still not healed completely.

To this day, I am the only known person who sustained a moderate injury while snow tubing. And I was clothed.

Nonetheless, skiing while semi-nude is a much more dangerous proposition. So many things can go wrong. And there is so much skin exposed. I know you think this is an awesome idea, guys. But please, please don't do it.

An Argument

Just so's this one particular person knows, I am always right.

Leaf Technology

So last autumn, Christian said something about raking up the leaves. I honestly felt in my mind I had done it. In fact, I did not. But I remember him saying it and explaining that the health of the apple orchard required that the leaves be removed so they don't mold and the mold gets down to the roots, etc. So we had this intense, information conversation. And then I thought I had done it.

So as the snow melts I can now see exactly how much I did not do. And it is a lot.

Thus, here is the new thing I covet:

The Husqvarna 125BVX 28cc 2-Stroke Gas Powered 170 MPH Handheld Leaf Blower/Vaccum

I would blow and vac everything in sight.