Tea Parties Aren't Always Lovely.

I know, I know McClatchy is not really news, etc. But if something like this is making it into these news sources, it's hitting mainstream. And actually, I think it's good if this is hitting nerves. It's not right and sane people need to step up.

For shame, Tea Party people. For shame. I wish there was a better and more public way to shame you, but hopefully you've done it to yourselves. I do hope that anyone on the right considering a move to the Tea Party will see them for what they really are: racist homophobes.

The pace was furious and sometimes heated both inside and outside the Capitol where thousands of Tea party demonstrators gathered to protest the bill. Some demonstrators hurled racial and sexual insults at Democratic lawmakers.

Some demonstrators called Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., "n****r" as he left a nearby House office building and other used the word "f****t" as they confronted Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass. Lewis, a noted civil rights leader, is black and Frank is openly gay.

For me, I am apoplectic. I could go on (and will, in the future). But this is proof that what the Tea Party people and Fox News commentators mean when they say "This isn't the America I grew up in!" is code for "I can't stand a black man as president" and they'd prefer to go back to the forties or fifties when they can be openly racist, the homosexuals are closeted and white men are in control.

Also, I think the Right is becoming Facist.

That is all. For now.

This Is A Very Bad Idea

(courtesy of awkwardfamilyphotos.com)

I retain on my body, to this day, a large scar on my right forearm from some stunt snow tubing that my friends and I undertook. In fact, this picture was also taken on that day:

As you can see, also pantsless. When we undertook the final stunt of the day, we made a pyramid and I somehow wound up on the bottom of the pile. My arm slid under the tube and I could not pull it out. The ice and snow took most of the skin off and its still not healed completely.

To this day, I am the only known person who sustained a moderate injury while snow tubing. And I was clothed.

Nonetheless, skiing while semi-nude is a much more dangerous proposition. So many things can go wrong. And there is so much skin exposed. I know you think this is an awesome idea, guys. But please, please don't do it.

An Argument

Just so's this one particular person knows, I am always right.

Leaf Technology

So last autumn, Christian said something about raking up the leaves. I honestly felt in my mind I had done it. In fact, I did not. But I remember him saying it and explaining that the health of the apple orchard required that the leaves be removed so they don't mold and the mold gets down to the roots, etc. So we had this intense, information conversation. And then I thought I had done it.

So as the snow melts I can now see exactly how much I did not do. And it is a lot.

Thus, here is the new thing I covet:

The Husqvarna 125BVX 28cc 2-Stroke Gas Powered 170 MPH Handheld Leaf Blower/Vaccum

I would blow and vac everything in sight.

DUKE!!!!!!!!

I am making this statement: Jon Scheyer is my favorite Duke player. Last night was his last night --Senior Night! -- and they beat the Tar out of the Heels. When he rotated out for the last time I cried. Not like "oh, a tear" but full-on wailing sobs. I know, he'll be playing again in a few days in the ACC Tournament in Greensboro. But it was the last time on home court, he finally beat UNC, etc. (Even though UNC is just pathetic this year. It must be a systematic coaching breakdown.) I just think Scheyer is such a great player. But yes, I cried and cried. Also, I hope Kyle Singler decides to stay for another year instead of going to the NBA.

And that is that.

The Most Dangerous Bathroom in the World

First, encountering this sign would, I'm sure, unsettle a person to say the least.

Then you gotta worry about this?

So where is this place where the toilets are randomly cleaned and people get their creep on around the sinks?

Hey Canada, Stop Being So Passive-Aggressive

I was looking at urbandictionary.com to look up "Canada's History" since Stephen Colbert instructed his viewers to go there to make entries to reframe "Canada's History" as an unspeakable an vile sex act. Unless you have an overriding interest in reading about sex acts that involve moose, maple syrup and the Stanley Cup, you can skip that entry.

But I did look up "Canada" and this is the very first entry:

Here are some reasons to be proud to be Canadian:

1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
4. Baseball is Canadian
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed
the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure..
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to
Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American
mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
23. A Canadian invented Superman.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!

Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.

Hey, stick that in your pipe and toke it.

Since that is the first definition (and you can vote up or down on definitions since it is an open-source site), the above definition is the one that Canadians themselves have decided best defines them. And it does. The total lack of evidence for claims (really? Apple pie? You're gonna try to take apple pie?) and the passive comparison to some false construct of Americans (we don't marry our kinfolk, our elections take one day) Along with historically accurate claims (we burned your White House) that seem to be gleefully mean.

So, as voted by Canadians themselves, I give you the Canadian psyche.

God, Im glad Im not married to that anymore.

Buy These!

My beautiful friend Jackie Ziter Sedlock is setting up shop on Etsy:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/JZSedlockStoneware

It will be growing over the weeks to come, but as I have had tea, seltzer and yes, even wine from her cups I can attest to their loveliness: they are both aesthetically lovely and she's got the utility details perfect: for example, it's not too big for your hands and the rim isn't super thick, it's just right.

So please think of her stuff when you need a gift, or even just to bring a bit of Vermont sunniness into your own home.

Support Artisans!

This Just IN!

There is more to be done!

And such an unfortunate name too.

I don't this sort of surgical thing applies to me, though. So rest easy on that.

A New Month!

It's March and I wanted to share with you all a Golden Moment of the year: the birds came back today. It's the first time I've heard birdsong in months.

So I had this dream that I demanded -- DEMANDED -- exploratory open-heart surgery. What is with me? Do I have a surgery thing? I don't think so. In my dream, even the doctors were sensible. They all said that it was too dangerous and there was nothing wrong with me to necessitate such radical measures. It's sort of funny that I make my dreams into me having unreasonable demands and then totally sensible people responding to them. But I don't have a doctor fetish. On the contrary, I think doctors are for the most part flying by the seat of their pants and that medicine -- surgery specifically -- is more of an art than a science. So I actually distrust and somewhat fear doctors because I think they concentrate on what they think is important, which is what might not be important at all. So maybe it was about me trying to take control and tell the doctors that there was something wrong and they weren't listening. I don't know.

The subconscious is a strange place.

But the birds are nice. I like them.